the restlessness is incapacitating
i can’t breathe.

all i want is a little relief,
to not want,
to not need.
it always feels like desperation.

i’m so tired
tired of feeling the way i feel
tired of searching this way and that,
both inside and without,
to make it stop.

the loneliness is crippling
i can feel it in my gut.

how did i get so far away
from myself
from what i need
from what i want

now…i can’t answer any of these questions
and the void left in the absence of answers
is becoming too painful to bear.

i don’t seek obliteration anymore, though.
now i seek transmutation
and i feel as though i’ve been exposed too soon.


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