the restlessness is incapacitating
i can’t breathe.
all i want is a little relief,
to not want,
to not need.
it always feels like desperation.
i’m so tired
tired of feeling the way i feel
tired of searching this way and that,
both inside and without,
to make it stop.
the loneliness is crippling
i can feel it in my gut.
how did i get so far away
from what i need
from what i want
now…i can’t answer any of these questions
and the void left in the absence of answers
is becoming too painful to bear.
i don’t seek obliteration anymore, though.
now i seek transmutation
and i feel as though i’ve been exposed too soon.