homecoming.

a day this beautiful seems made for sharing,
for appreciating with the eyes and ears and heart of another soul.

yet is more always better?
is this a myth I’ve allowed to govern, that the value obtained in solitude is only and completely further enhanced in the company of another…?

my claim is that I’ve achieved or mastered the solitude, the serenity of silence and stillness…
yet have I?
or is that another lie I’ve sold myself as part of the role I inadvertently slipped on as I shed that of my former self?
where is my truth?
the absolute, the finite, the unencumbered?
where is my objective reality, free from the agendas of others, of worldly clamors that belong to anyone else besides me?
I don’t know that objective reality truly exists for anyone, but I know I’m still stepping out of the person I felt I had to become for everyone else.

and ironically I choose again and again to further abandon the true her within, as I rail with frustration against this molting.

how can I be anything but in turmoil, when I continue to find new ways to wage war on her,
on mine,
on me.

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