and i thought i had said all there was to say,
felt all there was to feel
i thought i was being honest with myself, all along

why is it so hard,
to face your own humanity?
to look at the things that make you a person without contempt
or disgust
or judgment

how did it get this far?
how have i existed, all these years,
such treachery
pounding in my head
screaming in my ears
clutching my heart

it’s so hard to live this way,
my own worst enemy
not a lick of loyalty
parts of me, revolting against others

i thought i had been somebody else,
i thought i was better
and yet worse
i thought i knew
but it’s never been more clear
how much i don’t know
how much i need to release
to be able to go on


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